I do so love having someone cough in my face…

… Especially from a human I created.

The last week has been a delight. My son has been sick. The fever, green stuff producing cough version of it. Couple that with snot everywhere courtesy of  both my humans, and it is no surprise that today as they revel in their returned full health status, I sit watching Netflix trying to work out which lung is trying to remove itself via my windpipe.

I am being dramatic. I do so enjoy being dramatic. But prior to single parent status I was in awe of how single parents parented at any time, let alone sick. Hats off to you all – this shit is hard!

With my father having just been told his cancer is ‘waking up’ again (such a lovely gentle way of describing something deadly), I was unable to get help to take a break. It is something underacknowledged in functioning couples with children – even when your partner is the normal version of useless you still have backup in some form. Not having any readily available sees you develop what I will flatter myself and call a superhuman strength. To back up this statement I will choose not to mention the sugar that has propped me up, or the alcohol that has taken the edge off when I needed a break from the never ending needs of children.

Going to bed alone has become a luxury I desire. Sleeping without a child pulling my hair or kicking me in the back is the best dream. Or time when I don’t wipe another person’s snot or spit off my face in an ongoing dance of cough/sneeze/wipe, cough/sneeze/wipe. Time that is mine and mine alone. It is all I want. I am really that low maintenance.

I right now am ruining this rare time alone (the children are with a carer that comes once a week for 6 hours) by watching The Legend of Tarzan. Why? Not a clue. I think I was thinking I needed something light but jeez, this is offensively awful. And yet I don’t turn off. I blame Margo Robbie – she has intoxicating eyes and I feel like I owe my countrywoman the decency of watching this shitfest through.

I think it is the left lung trying to make its escape. I’ll let you know how it gets on.

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